


Curse of the Werebunny

by TristansGirl



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Bunnies, Comedy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-05
Updated: 2011-06-05
Packaged: 2017-10-20 04:32:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/208765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TristansGirl/pseuds/TristansGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy gets bitten by a strange creature one night . . .</p>
            </blockquote>





	Curse of the Werebunny

**Author's Note:**

> he first time my daughter saw a picture of Tommy, she said, "He has bunny eyes." That, and a conversation on twitter led to this. This really is crack. It's supposed to be funny. Hopefully it's worth a chuckle or two

This is how it starts.

At a rest stop, somewhere off a highway in Kentucky.

One could even call it Butt Fuck, Egypt if one were so inclined.

“Why are we stopping?” Tommy asks as he looks out the bus’ window.

He’s been drinking steadily since the bus left the venue and he slurs a little when he asks. Ok, he slurs a lot. He also doesn’t really care why they’re stopping, but he figures it’s best to try and pretend he’s not completely blitzed.

“The bus driver decided he needs some air,” Adam answers. “So here we are.”

“But where’s here?” Tommy asks. He cares a little more now, mostly because the thought of getting to breathe actual fresh air sounds really good right about now.

“Butt Fuck, Egypt. I think. Not sure.”

Tommy stands up. Ok no, he staggers. Rights himself. Barely.

“Can the bus driver just randomly stop whenever and wherever he wants to?”

That’s Neil asking, sounding completely pissy and put out, which is pretty much how he sounds all the time.

“Well, apparently he can because he did,” Adam answers. He sounds a little pissy and a little put out too. Talking to his brother does that to him.

“Well, that’s just crazy. Now the bus driver’s the boss of us?”

“Whatever, Neil. Just stop your whining and go take Tommy outside. Make sure he doesn’t get lost.”

“What? Maybe Tommy doesn’t want to go outside.”

“I do!” Tommy says. “I do wanna go outside.”

“See?” Adam says. “So take him.”

“What? Why do I have to go with him?”

“Because that’s your job.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Yes, it is.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Why do you have to make everything so hard? Just take Tommy outside and walk around with him a little bit, make sure he doesn’t fall in the bushes and doesn’t get lost and then bring him back. Ok? Ok.”

“You know, this may come as a surprise to you, but Tommy is a grown man. He may actually be alright out there on his own.”

“Come on, Neil. This is Tommy we’re talking about.” Adam turns to Tommy. “No offense, Tommy.”

Except that Tommy’s not there. Tommy took his beer and walked past them and off the bus after putting his two cents into the conversation.

Adam sighs. “Well, fuck a duck.”

Neil smirks, feeling triumphant. “Well, look at that. Looks like little Tommy’s on his own after all.”

“Neil, I swear to all that is holy, you’d better find him or I will end you. I will take your testicles and pull them out through your throat and make you wear them as earrings.”

“That seems a little extreme, Adam.”

“Find him.”

“Fine. Whatever. I’ll find him.”

Neil would never admit it, but he’s more than a little scared of his big brother. He’s pretty sure that Adam’s exaggerating on the testicle thing, but he wouldn’t put it past him to at least give it a go.

So now feeling even more pissy and put out, Neil gets off the bus to find Tommy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tommy meanwhile has decided that maybe getting off the bus wasn’t such a good idea.

He’d meant to go toward the rest stop but somehow found himself moving away from it.

Now he’s somewhere in the woods, lost and drunk and alone. And he really has to pee, which fine, he’s a guy, he could do it anywhere, but he’s really not a big fan of peeing in the woods. He likes lots of lights and ceramic tile and faucets and paper towels. Or better yet, those blow dryers. Those are awesome. Sometimes he likes enacting the scene in Suddenly Seeking Susan when Madonna was drying her hair and armpits with one.

He downs the rest of his beer and takes a moment to consider what to do. After peeing, that is. He’s pretty much decided he’s going to have to go for it, no ceramic tile notwithstanding.

Maybe he can try and find his way back to the bus.

Or maybe he can stay put and wait for someone to find him.

Or maybe . . . no that’s pretty much it. That’s all he’s got.

He decides to worry about it later. First order of business, peeing without falling

He gets as far as unzipping his pants and pulling out his dick when he hears it.

A rustling of leaves. The sound of twigs being snapped.

He freezes and calls out, “Is someone there?”

No one answers. He shrugs. “Should have stopped at the sixth beer,” he mutters.

He does his business and is in the process of shaking it dry when he hears the sounds again, only closer this time.

Oh yeah, someone or something is definitely out there.

“Neil, is that you?” he calls out. He waits a second. “Adam?”

Waits another second. “Guys, this isn’t funny.”

And then it hits him, the realization that this is the plot of almost every horror movie he’s ever seen. Except for Hellraiser – that shit was wicked awesome.

He forces himself to stop thinking about how fucking righteous Pinhead is and focus on the fact that he’s probably going to die.

Horribly.

With his dick still in his hand.

He manages to tuck himself back in and turn around, ready to face whatever axe wielding murderer is going to come at him.

And as he turns, something hits him square in the chest, taking him down. It’s dark, and he’s drunker than hell so he can’t see it, but he can feel fur and hot breath against his neck.

And then the sharp sting of a bite, right at the juncture of his throat.

At least it’s not an axe, he thinks.

And then . . . blessed unconsciousness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

He comes to inside the bus, lying down on Adam’s luxurious bed.

“I told you, Neil! Didn’t I tell you? He can’t go out wandering by himself. He attracts trouble. Now look. Now look what happened.”

“He’s fine, Adam. Jeez. It’s a small bite. Some peroxide and it’s done.”

“Peroxide? What if he has rabies? Does peroxide stop rabies, Neil?”

Tommy tries to sit up. Whoa. Still drunk. “Guys, I’m right here.”

“Well look who’s awake,” Adam says, plopping down on the bed. He begins to stroke Tommy’s hair. Tommy purrs – drunk or not, this feels good. “How you feeling, baby?”

“What happened to me?” he asks.

“I found you passed out in the woods, that’s what happened,” Neil says.

Tommy is not in the least surprised to see that he still looks pissy and put out.

“Something attacked me,” Tommy says. “In the woods. It bit me.”

“Yeah, it was probably a squirrel,” Neil says.

“That was no squirrel,” Tommy says. “Do squirrels tackle you and bite through your neck?”

“Settle down, baby,” Adam says. “We only just stopped the bleeding a few minutes ago. You’re going to re-open the wound and bleed on my sheets.”

“Whatever,” Neil says. “I’m going to bed and try to pretend this night never happened.”

Tommy waits until Neil leaves before turning to Adam. “It wasn’t a squirrel.”

Adam ruffles Tommy’s hair. “Don’t listen to Neil. He’s an asshole.”

“Can’t we just fire him? He’s mean to me.”

“No, baby. I promised my mom. Neil stays. But I’ll tell him to be nicer to you, ok?”

“Yeah, ok.”

“Hey, scoot over, huh?” Adam says, already worming his way underneath the covers. “I’m exhausted.”

“I can stay here?” Tommy asks, hopeful. Apparently, being assaulted in the woods does has its advantages.

“As long as you don’t snore, hog the covers, kick me or bleed on my sheets.”

Tommy smiles. Adam is the best boss ever.

“Hey, Adam?”

“Yeah.”

“What do you think attacked me? Do you think it was a squirrel?”

Adam chuckles, more asleep than awake. “Maybe it was a werewolf.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is how it middles . . . except, wait, that makes no sense. Let’s try again.

This is the middle.

The glamily is eating lunch two weeks after the incident.

After a few minutes, Adam takes Monte aside.

“Hey.”

“What’s up, Adam?”

“Have you noticed anything odd about Tommy lately?”

Monte looks at Tommy for a long moment. “There’s about a hundred odd things going on with Tommy at any given time. You’re going to have to be more specific.”

“Yes, but look at what he’s eating.”

“It’s a salad, Adam.”

“But it’s huge. And it has no dressing. And it’s taking him forever to finish it because he nibbles at it. And that’s all he’s been eating for two weeks.”

Monte nods, rubbing at his beard. “Now that you mention it, it is a little weird. It just got lost in the general weirdness of Tommy.”

“See? It’s a lot of roughage.”

“A lot of roughage,” Monte agrees.

“And there’s other things,” Adam says.

“There are?”

“You know how he hates getting on the platform to play?”

Monte nods. “He’s afraid of heights.”

“Exactly. Last night he hopped up on the platform.”

“Hopped?”

“Hopped. Both feet left the ground at the same time. He hopped.”

“Well, that is weird.”

They stand there for a few moments, both staring at Tommy

“So . . .” Adam begins.

“So?”

“Shouldn’t we be concerned?”

“Well, what to you propose we do?” Monte asks.

This leads to silence and more moments of staring at Tommy.

Finally Tommy feels the weight of their stares.

“Why are you guys looking at me?” he asks, lifting his head from his salad. The words come out muffled, mostly because his mouth is full of what appear to be bean sprouts.

Adam and Monte look at each, shrug and head back to the table.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

This is how it ends

 

It’s a full moon.

Tommy’s been feeling anxious for three days now, all twitchy and jumpy. He’s been miserable, and he’s making everybody else miserable. Mostly Neil.

In fact, yesterday Neil threatened to expose all of Adam’s deepest, darkest secrets to the world unless someone tranquilizes Tommy.

Adam, being a practical sort of person who does not want his secrets leaked out to the masses, decides to take charge of Tommy for the night.

It’s a hotel night, and they’re hanging in Adam’s room, on Adam’s bed watching a movie when Tommy jumps up and starts pacing.

“Tommy?”

Tommy looks at Adam but doesn’t stop pacing. He starts scratching at his skin like a tweaking junkie.

“Yeah?”

“Is something wrong? You’re acting really squirrelly.”

“I am?” More scratching. Then Tommy makes a noise of dissatisfaction and pulls off his shirt.

“You’re scratching like you have fleas and you just took off your shirt. And now you’re taking off your pants.”

“Yeah, they don’t feel right.”

“Are you on drugs?”

“Adam!”

“Well, what’s wrong with you then?”

“I don’t know,” Tommy says, scratching at his head. “I haven’t been right ever since . . .”

“What? Ever since what?”

Tommy stops moving. “Ever since the night that I got bit.”

“Hey, Tommy?” Adam stands up and takes small, baby-steps toward the wall.

“Yeah?”

“Your ears are growing.”

“My ears are not big, Adam. I’ve told you this before. They’re elf-like.”

“No, they’re growing right now. As we speak. And so are your nails. And you’re growing fur.”

Tommy looks down at his hands. Sure enough, they’re elongating, seemingly turning into paws of some sort.

The first thought that pops into Tommy’s mind is, ‘Cool!’

The second thought that pops into Tommy’s mind is, ‘This is fucking awesome!’

The third thought that pops into Tommy’s mind is, ‘I’m gonna turn into a werewolf and tear Adam apart and that’s gonna be really, really bad!’

Apparently, Adam’s thinking the same thing because he’s kind of looking like he’s about to shit his pants.

Tommy croaks out one word before dropping down to all fours. Then . . . everything goes black.

“Run . . .”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tommy wakes up the next morning in bed under the sheets. He’s naked and sore and there’s a really weird taste in his mouth.

“No more drinking ever,” he mutters.

Then he remembers.

He sits up, expecting to see little pieces of Adam littering the hotel room.

“I killed my boss. I killed my boss. This is going to look so bad when I audition for gigs.”

“You didn’t kill me, you big dork.”

Tommy twists around to the sound of the voice and sure enough, there’s Adam, sitting in a chair across the room, wrapped up in a big, fluffy robe and drinking what looks suspiciously like a mimosa.

“Adam? You’re alive?”

Adam arches one eyebrow. “Apparently.”

“How? How are you alive?”

“Biology was never my forte, Tommy.”

Now Tommy’s really confused. Really, really confused. More than usual anyway. “But I turned into a werewolf last night. I figured I would have eaten you alive. I expected to see Adam bits all over.”

“A werewolf? No . . . you didn’t turn into a werewolf. Not exactly.”

“Not exactly? What does that mean?”

“Well, you didn’t turn into a wolf.”

“No?”

“No.”

“Well, was I something like a cat? Like a wereleopard? I’ve heard of those. Those are bad ass.”

Adam takes a sip of mimosa. “No. No cat. Nothing feline.”

Tommy waves his arms, now more frustrated than confused. “Well, what did I turn into?”

“Well, actually, you turned into a bunny.”

“A what?”

Adam sets the glass down onto a table. “A bunny. Or a rabbit. Maybe a hare, I don’t know. It was definitely a bunny-like creature though.”

“I was a bunny,” Tommy says, not really a question. But yeah ok, it’s a question, because . . . bunny?

Not that he’s unhappy that his boss is still in one piece, but . . . bunny?

“Yeah. You were really cute, too,” Adam says. “White with these patches of brown and these big ears and this pink nose.”

“Man! Seriously?”

“Is something wrong? You seem upset or something.”

More wild arm waving from Tommy. “I thought I was turning into a bad-ass werewolf. I thought I was going to eviscerate you.”

“Well, you did jump on me like you were going to bite me with those big bunny teeth, but I managed to grab you and hold you still. Then I started petting you and you calmed down.”

“This is not happening.”

“Yup. I started watching tv and you were on my lap and your little nose was twitching and your big ears were twitching . . .”

“I was supposed to be ferocious!” Tommy shouts.

Adam smiles. “Well, you know . . . as a bunny you do have some sharp claws. And those teeth looked like they could do some damage.”

“Shut up, Adam.”

“Is that any way to talk to the man who scratched behind your ears all night?”

“I hate you.”

At that, Adam laughs and makes his way to the bed. He slides in beside Tommy and wraps his arms around him.

“Come on, Tommy. Cheer up. It’s still really cool that you’re a shape shifter. I thought it was really awesome.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. It was pretty amazing when you changed back in my arms. You looked so peaceful. Really kind of beautiful.”

“But I was a bunny.”

“A kick-ass bunny,” Adam reminds him. “Ferocious even.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh yeah.”

“So, I guess I’ll be changing again tonight,” Tommy sighs.

“Yeah. It’s a good thing we have a night off. You won’t be able to play tomorrow night, though.”

“I guess not. I guess this will be a monthly thing.”

“It’s ok, baby. We’ll figure this out.”

“You won’t fire me?”

“Are you kidding? Where else am I going to find a bassist that lets me molest him like you let me? You’re not going anywhere, Tommy. Werebunny or no.”

So Tommy relaxes, already coming to terms with the fact that he’s going to be a werebunny. Wererabbit. Werehare.

Whatever.

He snuggles into Adam’s arms, all strong and warm.

After a moment, Tommy asks, “Adam, are you naked under that robe?”

“Sure am.”

“Is that a banana in your robe or are you happy to see me right now?”

“What can I say? Morning wood. And you’re hot.”

“Do you want to make out a little? I’m feeling a little horny.”

“Yeah?”

“I think it’s a bunny thing. Horny like a rabbit. You know.”

“I do.” Adam grins. “I do.”

“So kiss me?”

Adam grins a little wider. “If you insist.”

And he does.

And Tommy kisses right back.

And all thoughts of being a werebunny are driven from his mind.

At least for now . . .


End file.
